Thursday, September 10, 2009

Sex Party...

16 months ago, I became a mommy to a beautiful baby boy.
I also became the only one in my circle of friends to have a baby.
Not only was I experiencing the awkward transition of my life no longer just being my own, I felt like I had no one who really understood me.
In July one of my college roommates became a Momma to her little boy Noah. I admit, she has called me since as her only friend who could relate and I have not been there. Fluttering around with my own mutli-fold life, I have let her down.

Fifteen weeks ago, my first proximity close, in my circle friend found out she is having a baby!
I have been so elated.
While my hus approaches the truly honest side and says it as it is...TO the future parents,
"I'm just happy someone else will understand now,"
I have perhaps done a 360...or 180 (which is it?!)
I have tried to share nothing but the positive!
I feel like, through her, I am experiencing what I missed when I was pregnant.
(To this day, I would not wish pregnancy on anyone...although I have yet to meet anyone who had an experience like mine).
Am I excited someone will get it now?
but mostly I just want her to feel celebrated.
(Our group is a little closed off to the idea of life changing. One person's personal changes seem to affect the happiness of the whole. I'm not saying it's healthy.)

Tomorrow night, my prego friend and her supportive hus are having a Sex Reveal Party.
I get to find out what they are having!
I have sworn girl from day one...but suddenly I'm feeling boy.
I guess the most important question is:
Is my munchkin getting a future wife OR a future bestie?!
I am so so so so so so so so excited.
I have actually had to pull back the reigns on my excitement with my friend
(I have feared I have been raping her with my over involved enthusiasm.
Is it over involved if I said, "Can I hostess your shower?" before the pee stick was dry? Is it over involved if I sent her a "must register for" list? Is it over involved if I asked to set up a date to stock her freezer before the babe comes? Ah man, I'm a freak!!!)

I missed out on a lot of the goodness of pregnancy for many reasons.
A main one was that I was sick for the full 9 months but another is that I was so fearful of the change it meant to my life.
What if my baby sucked?
(Not literally, I mean, what if no one liked him?!)
I wanted my life to stay the same and I hated that it wouldn't.
I forced my new square life after his birth into the old round hole and it made it so hard on me.
16 months later, it is what it is and I'm comfortable in it.
I had no one next to me to tell me I was normal--I had you--my blog friends.
I want my friend to have what I missed.
I want her to know I'm here and she's not alone.
Is there such a thing as loving too much?
Yeek...yes...yes there is.image by anna ingalls


  1. sweet post.
    how's the office today?

  2. I'm sooo disappointed! The title really is misleading...

    happy for you and your friend

  3. thank you for telling me where to find you, I love reading your posts. Being the first to experience life changing events is not fun and no one else understands. Your friend is lucky to have you in her corner excited for her.

  4. what a great post. I was full on sick for at least 3 months with both my boys, and partially sick the rest of the time, so I have a taste of what you felt. Hard, hard, hard. Also we were the first in our circle as well. When all my best friends had their first, I was having my 2nd. It was hard not to be the know-it-all in the group. It was also hard to not be able to help them not make some of the same mistakes I made, because no one can really explain just how out of control your life is about to become. And no one really wants to know either I guess? Otherwise why would we leap at all? Now 9 years later I am so glad I did. And the second time was light years easier than the first, because I knew it all was so very, very temporary... Sorry to ramble. This post just brought back a lot of memories. Thanks for stopping by my blog today - I was so happy to see you!

  5. thank you for letting me know where you are!!!! Your friend is lucky. I was the first in my group too....and I was so fortunate to have a lady at work take my hand and make it so much easier.

  6. How cool is this???? I am sooo glad you told me! Have a great night!

  7. It's so exciting to experience these milestones with friends! Have FUN! :)

  8. I have to admit, you had me wondering with the title :) I think it's great that you are so excited for your friend. With my last pregnancy, my bestie was finally prego at the same time as me (her little guy was born only 3 wks after my little girl) and it was so awesome to be able to share the "trials and tribulations" of our pregnancies together! Thanks for leaving a comment on my blog, because now I've found you...I see some of my friends are already followers of yours :)