Wednesday, December 1, 2010

What a year this has been.
What an unbelievable year.
It started for me with trial but with great intention to be intentional in my praise and trust in Him.
I didn't always succeed at this.
Six months into the year, I broke and took on my world by myself.
I lived for the approval of others--others who at the end of the day don't have what's best for me in their heart.
Somehow, by the grace of God, I resurfaced after nearly losing myself.
I resurfaced with hope, with the pursuit of joy and the desire to fight again for my heart & mind to recite truth and evict the lies.
That fight reminded me of His promises & pointed out how I humanize Him"Truly I tell you, whoever says to this mountain, 'Be lifted up & thrown into the sea!' and does not doubt at all in is heart but believes that what he says will take place it will be done for him. For this reason I am telling you whatever you ask for in prayer believe that it is granted to you and you will get it." Mark 11:23-24

I found this passage and have it on repeat on my heart.
It's my human tendancy to say I believe He can move mountains in my head but to doubt He can move the mountains in my life in my heart.
I read this passage and I saw two things:
1. I had to get my heart and head in the same place: truth.
2. I humanize God.
When I read "what I ask for will be given to me," or know that a decision I make is out of obedience to Him and He will reward it, I hadn't realized that I expected my rewards now.
I was putting God in a box and asking for immediate gratification forgetting that every.single.time I question Him, His answer always comes but it's on his timing.
And when His answer is there, it's clear as day and the journey--the waiting--makes sense!

"You do not have because you do not ask. Ask God for what you want & desire and trust Him to bring it His way when the time is right. In the meantime, be content with what you have." James 4:2

So I have walked through a year that has pushed me, challenged me--in some areas it still is.
I am at a new place though--fighting to stay there in heart and mind--that I don't want what I want--I want what He knows is right for me to have and I pray that He gives me more patience and more trust to wait while He continues His work in me.

"Seek God first, desire Him more than anything else, & you will find that He will bless you with what s right for you to have." Psalms 37:4