Thursday, October 22, 2009

Gorillas with Goodies

Is it silly that I can't wait for Halloween?
It's not about the dressing up (even though the Midge will make a good SOLID gorilla)
It's not about the candy (who am I kidding, it's 79% the candy!)
It's really about this chance to be with my family--the one I made with my husband.Last year I had a little Lobster who couldn't walk around and trick or treat.
This year, I have a little Gorilla who has no idea what Halloween or candy is but he sleeps with his giant, plastic pumpkin candy bucket.
This year, he'll walk around to houses, collect little treats (that I will eat, tell my Hus to restrict me, then get mad at him when he does what I asked), pull my babe around in a radio flyer wagon, and just BE with MY boys.
We've been invited to one adult Halloween party and one collection of adults + kids party to trick or treat. The truth is, they don't interest me this year. I want to be selfish.

For a very.long.time I have tried to be everywhere and to do everything.
I had a conversation with a dear friend yesterday where I realized I just want one thing to do, not two. For this upcoming day in particular, I want the one thing I do to be seeing my Midge walk with Daddy, smile when he gets a treat, sign "please" because he wants to try something, see him gobble a treat or too, and watching him fight the costume I'm forcing him to wear.
THAT sounds perfect.
I just accepted (little late, huh?) that there will always be something to miss out on, but I just have to choose which one will make me feel like I'm missing less.
I'm getting to this new phase of life where choosing my son and my family over the things that I thought DEFINED who I was, who I could be, all that I could juggle, is infinitely more peaceful.

For Halloween the choice that makes me miss less is saying I will only be in one place.
I will trick or treat in the early eve and tuck my tired baby into bed.
Right when the adult party starts, I will not leave to pretend I'm childless for a night.
I won't squeeze being a parent and having a social life into one night.
I want to be the one that tucks him in and then sits on my couch next to my husband just knowing our baby is sleeping and I'm right there if he cries.I'm just not interested in the juggling act right now.
I spent so much of his first year of life trying to be everywhere and do everything and I don't feel like I have to anymore.
It's not even that I can't do it, it's that I don't feel like it--I don't want to.

Walking dichotomy-
I always want to be invited.
I always wish I could say yes.
I have always hated saying no. I
am just now feeling unbelievably OK with being left behind because in other ways, I am moving ahead.


  1. I was going to tell you guys about a trunk or treat at our church from 4-6, but ummmm...I guess I won't. hehehe.

    ENJOY that family time. There will always be social things to do, but you will never get his second Halloween again!

  2. Those little things ARE the most important things in life...nothing else matters..:) Enjoy!

  3. Exactly what I am thinking. No pressure, just being with the family. Sweet and simple, gotta love it. Isn't it great to say "no thanks" sometimes? Hope you guys have a simple and quiet evening (well at least as quiet as a 2 year old will let it be)!

  4. I envy you for having a family to do these things with! I'm still at the social stage and think being selfish sounds WONDERFUL!!! Have fun :)

  5. I often feel like this about every holiday, every special occasion, and well, pretty much every day. And I love it. Wouldn't trade it! There's many a simple moment that carries a great purpose for the time being.
    I bet you'll have one cute Gorilla.

  6. That is so me... where I tell B to restrict me and then I get mad when he does :)

    Its hard not being able to do everything you want to do, I'm glad you are finding a happy place.

  7. i love your perspective.

    you're an amazing person. YOU. ARE. MY. FAMILY. sometimes i can't get over it.

    have fun with your go'rilla!

    love you!

  8. Amen sista! I completely agree with you. Too many commitments. I hope you enjoy being with your family. It's going to be a great day.

  9. I always look forward to the candy but I always end up telling my hubs to take it to work so I quit eating it :)

    Enjoy your evening just being with your family. Sounds like you are doing just what you need to :)

  10. Absolutely! I felt the same way about Christmas last year, and what did I do? Travel like I didn't want to. This year though~Christmas, home & potty training. That is what I want to do.

  11. It's always hard for me to say No also. But sometimes It's healthier for us. I love how you wrote that you want to enjoy your son in his gorilla costume that you're forcing him to wear. Isn't that the truth?? Makes me smile! I love being a mom.

  12. That is so awesome Allegra! You have a fabulous night with your boys!

  13. How incredibly great that you are so at ease with just being a mom! Halloween is so much fun with the little ones...there'll be other adult parties for you to go to...enjoy your time with your precious little boy!

    :) T

  14. I feel the exact same way right now. So glad I am not alone. :)


  15. can i tell you the truth? I love halloween because's fun with the kids...but all of our neighbors get together and we ...
    do i dare say it...
    drink or treat.
    i said it.
    us grownups need to have fun too...
    p.s. i can't wait to see the midge in his gorilla suit.