Monday, November 16, 2009

"This life is light"

Who knew that this was just what I needed....It's not a sob story by any means, but having a job outside of my home means it's one more place where I divide.
There are days when I think being home would be a dream--
then the weekends come and I think,
"HOW do women DO this 24/7?!"
Something I have not had though is uninterrupted, hormonally balanced time to be my son's mom.
I was afraid to be in a car for a 5 hour drive not knowing what I'd do if he cried.
I was thisclose to NOT going at all.
Fear driven...
the "What if I SUCK and CAN'T DO THIS?!"

But, as the amazing Rosi Golan sings,
"I felt it in my heart, that it was time, a change of scenery
To get a little lost, to feel alive, and reach beyond me"
And I did it.
We did it.
With nothing to do but walk the meadows, run in the leaves, and throw rocks into the vineyards
we played like never before.
I watched my son without self-focus.
I loved him without interruption.
I left realizing...
It's harder than hell to do it on my own
(and thankfully I don't have to)
but I know, I am a damn good mom when I put my mind where my heart is.
Dear Baby Boy-
You won't remember this trip the way I do.
You won't tear up when you remember how I held you and we giggled between the vines.
You won't look back when you are eighteen and wonder where that little boy went like I will
and that's ok.
Because selfishly, this trip was all about me and my love for you.
It was about knowing who I can be for you.
Realizing there's a balance between building me and encouraging you-
Respecting time and it's brevity.
So when you ask,
"What was I like when I was a baby?"
I will tell you because I truly know:
You loved to smile.
You could stand in the dirt or in front of water and throw rocks for hours.
You were frightened by new noises and looked to those you trust to protect you.
You love trains because Great Grandpa got your hooked and chocolate because Great Grandma kept m&m's around the house for you to find.
When you forget who you are,
I will remind you.
When you just need to know,
I will tell you...


  1. gorgeous girlie.
    Isn't it amazing that when we put our heart into mothering the reward that comes from it.
    I should do it more often.
    So glad you had a break from work to spend with the midge.
    thanks for your note...i miss you to!!!
    I will email you today..i've been sick.

  2. Inspiring.

    It's amazing how our "mom instincts" kick in and we can do anything!

    My husband has been traveling for work a lot lately so I've been a "single parent" and my hats off to those parents that have to do it alone all the time but the love for our children make it possible.

  3. A precious post and beautiful photos! Looks like the perfect trip with your handsome side-kick.

  4. This is such a wonderful reminder to those of us who do--or don't-- have kids that life is short and the moments that mean the most in life (the laughing under the tree, the throwing rocks for hours on end) are not the moments you would expect to stand out. Life is too short not to enjoy the small things. Thanks for reminding us!

  5. Pure poetry:) Love that you got to have some sacred time with your baby boy. So glad that you took that plunge and did it afraid. Good for you:)

  6. Beautiful post...I am really happy for you! :)

  7. You have a gift for putting your feelings into word so eloquently.
    Sniff, Sniff. :) I'm so happy you had some quality time with your Midge.

  8. You are just so precious. I love it when I read something and am carried along the cloud of their emotion. I hope your day is sweet!!

  9. Oh Allegra i am so happy for you!!! Motherhood is so amazing and your words are such a gift!

  10. what a perfect weekend, so precious! you are an amazing mommie, don't ever forget that!

  11. perfection. i just love it - and am so excited that you had that time together.


  12. So precious! Thanks for sharing!

  13. great pictures. so glad you guys had a great time together!

  14. Aww so glad you had this special time with your son!! Good bonding time is always so rewarding! Wonderful, wonderful pictures too :)

    :) T

  15. This seriously made my heart melt! You are a gorgeous writer, and you photos are just as breathtaking! You sound like such an amazing mother, and I am so glad you were able to escape the world and spend some quality time together!

  16. you did it!!!!!!!!!! wahoo!!!!!

    when I worked full time I think I was always nervous on the weekends and had a hard time transitioning back from mommy to working girl.
    When you are home ALLLLLLLLLLLL the time, I think you look at it like a job a litlte more. I miss the days sometimes of looking forward to the weekend and planning fun adventures.

    I think either makes you a great mommy if you love and care for your kids....and know that whether you are working or home with them....that you are making your choices based on what is best for your little man!

  17. Just beautiful...both your words and your photographs.

    Blessings to you and the cutie pie!