Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Keys, Please?

Women as creatures are both friends and competition. Women as mother’s and wives? The same yet enhanced. As wives we fight for our husbands to break free from their mother’s talons, we ask them to choose us-put us first. As mother's we know their future does not include us being their number one, but how does the mother in us let go? As wives, we begin the sculpting process of our own family and at times, must play tug of war with the women who have defined their lives by their mothering us. No mother wants to let go, but we all must.

In the beginning there is the desire to be part of the “in crowd.” Being the new girl/guy at school, you play nice; you want to be liked, you want to be accepted. Soon, you’re “in” and the quest to be to be known and recongnized is yours. You spend a few years in a power struggle if you're all strong enough, each of you fighting for something different but desiring a similar end. At the root of our being as women is loyalty to those that are in our pack but to those who threaten the unity and the solidarity of that pack? Prepare for battle.

Perhaps we need a big meeting with coffee and gluten enhanced pastries and the opportunity to say, “My name is Allegra and I am the wife and mother of my family,” or “My name is Carol and I am a mom-aholic.” We need an opportunity to collaborate on how to work together as a team or simply hand off power. An analogy?'s one- As a mother, you build a house, you live in it, and then you sell it. Please, think back freely on the good times you had with that house, but you have to give the new owner the keys. You don’t drive up to that house every day anymore because it’s not yours, you can’t decorate it as you wish, you can’t tear down walls as you choose, you must knock every time and wait to be invited in. You must learn to love your own home and let the old home be enjoyed by someone new.

Indeed, I am a mother in my youth nowhere near handing my keys off to the next owner, but I do pray about the next owner and I know the hand off is just around the corner. Yes, I’m sure, one day I will understand exactly what I’m talking about and eat my words like they’re raw chicken, but you don't have to tell me that. At some point, if the transition is a tough one as I know many are, we are challenged to say, "Your old house is my new house. Thank you for the love and care you have put into it, but will you kindly give me the keys now?"

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