Refreshed

Recently I have really needed to get away.

I have needed to stretch and breathe and refresh outside of my routine.

I needed the chance to recharge and realign.

My cousin gave me that opportunity.On Friday I made the drive to Pasadena with no plans in mind, no itinerary, and nothing to accomplish. I was craving some down time with Tracy- someone who is not just a friend but family. Someone who gets the smaller pieces of where I come from, my inherent composition. I needed that.

The weekend included every little piece of what I needed to come home whole.

-Girl Talk
-Wine
-Chips & Dip
-Sangria
-A Girls Night Out: Dinner & a Movie!!
-An afternoon nap
-Alone time
-Shopping, shopping, and a wee bit more shopping

I spent the weekend in a safe place without a mind racing with all that I need to do to be wife and mommy.
My UNBELIEVABLE husband was the one standing at the doorway reminding me of all the things I needed to take, encouraging me to eat before hitting the road, and pushing me to go because he knew I needed it.
I don't think I even know how badly I needed it.

I have come home to two boys that I just adore & yesterday received the great news that my HcG levels are back to normal so no more blood work and in many ways--it is behind me now.

He is SO good.
Thank you Tracy for giving me a place to heal :) Your friendships worth to me is beyond measure.
Hus, I love you. Thank YOU for running the house (or letting it run you ;) so I could recharge.

Would you like an {OPPORTUNITY}?

You may remember that I mentioned these books recently.

All I can tell you is that as I go through the Power of the Praying Wife, my heart is opening in so many ways.
Daily I am learning about how my husband was designed and in turn, I am learning about the ways that I can compliment him better.
I love what this book is doing for me.

I realize that finding the time to read and the resources to buy a book when there are so many other needs & wants can be a challenge.
I really want to take that challenge away for all of you who want the opportunity to read this book but while I can't do it for ALL of you, I can do it for one of you.

If you need this in your life-- please leave me a comment so I know you are interested.
If you would like to email me and tell me why this 3 in 1 book is really calling out to you, I'd love to hear it but it's not necessary.
Last chance to enter is Tuesday at 8pm PST.
No need to follow, no need to share I just want to give you an opportunity for a heart-lift if you want it.
It's a short give away opportunity but I really want to get this mailed to someone this week!

What would you do if....

your husband said he wanted to buy this?


I suppose some wives would say, "eww, really?!"
(I've totally done it!)
I suppose there is definitely a part of me that is thinking, "ewww, really?!"
HOWEVER
there is this other side of me...
This other side that looks at my husband and what he does to provide for our little family,
the dreams he chases in the name of giving me and our son the best of what this world has to offer,
the man who every.single.road trip we go on says, "I miss my Malibu."
(most certainly not a modern Chevy Malibu!! Heavens no!)
He rebuilt a 1965 Chevy Malibu when he was 18.
His family & friends laughed at him when he brought the rust bucket home
(sadly, I probably would have too)
But he is the man that the more you laugh at him, the more you tell him something isn't possible the more determined he is to find a way to make it work.
He's not out to prove you wrong, he's out to prove that there is a way
because that is who he is-
impossible doesn't exist.
"Impossible" made this happen:
So for a few years I've laughed when he's shown me what he would want to rebuild.
Or I've said, "Would you STOP talking about the Malibu?!"
but I get it now
and the man deserves something impossible to prove possibility
he deserves something to call his own
something to show for his work.
And while life may not be about material things
it IS about dreaming
it IS about achieving
it IS about fulfilling who God made you to be
and God made men to take pride in themselves through their work
and God made my man to shatter the belief that some things cannot be done.

What would I do if my husband wanted to buy that thing above?
I'd tell him I love him & I believe in him.

Words of {ENCOURAGEMENT}

Today my personal goal is to give WORDS of {ENCOURAGEMENT}

My praises from yesterday:
I had a lunch date with my husband and he brought me flowers.
(Looks like the random act of kindness came to me instead of from me!)

I felt more selfless in our home and as a wife and mother than I have in a long time.
I was able to make dinners, prepare lunch for the next day, give a bath, and spend time with my son while the hus worked without tallying up my good deeds in my head.
I hate admitting that I do that, but I do and it's ugly.
It means I'm always prepared to counter attack when someone points out what I didn't do...
"But here is a list of what I DID do," I'll spew out.

I started reading a book suggested to me by my friend,
along with
Its in conjunction with my desire to be INTENTIONAL {1 Day at a Time}.

I believe that just digesting the words (although I really battle with some) is helping to soothe and strengthen my heart.

While the Women's Study major in me has a REALLY hard time with being told that God designed me with the primary responsibility to take care of our home even IF I have a job,
I realized that God knows that struggle I had and last night He gave me the eyes to see my calling as a blessing vs. a battle.
He let me see that giving my husband the time to do what he needed to do to provide for us that I was being his helper vs. his opponent.

Point is, my goal for Monday ended up fulfilling itself in Tuesday
and my goal for Tuesday ended up fulfilling itself this morning...

I feel like it's similar to playing, "I'm going on a picnic and I'm going to bring..."
Do you know the game?
The one where one person starts and says "I'm going to bring a watermelon"
The next person has to say what the person before them brought and what they are bringing
"I'm going to bring a watermelon and a baseball"
And so it goes on and on and the list gets bigger with ALL of the things you and everyone are bringing.

These personal goals are just opening my heart.

Today my goal is Words of {ENCOURAGEMENT}

It is better to GIVE than to RECEIVE

For the past few days I have been giving myself
a daily goal

Yesterday the goal was "LESS OF ME"
I wanted to challenge myself to put selfishness aside in favor of selflessness.
At the end of the day, I evaluate myself.
I find even the smallest way that I succeeded
and I go on to journal the successes, blessings, and burdens of my day.
It's a part of my {1 day at a time} as I move toward the habit of a new routine.

Today my goal is "RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS"
As I listened to the radio yesterday on my drive home from work the DJ's talked about ways that we can bless others.
Whether I am in a line at Starbucks and buy coffee for the person behind me or treat a stranger to lunch, I am able to bless others that I don't even know.
I felt renewed by this sense of "other"
I wanted to go buy coffee just so I could treat someone I didn't know.
I wanted to stop and say "Hi" to the homeless man instead of pretending he wasn't there.
I felt charged.

So today started with a prayer as I unlocked the office and turned the lights on.
I walked the halls and said aloud,
"God, I invite you here today. Use me as your hands, your eyes, and your heart. Show me how to love others the way you love them. Give me an opportunity to bless someone even if I don't know I'm doing it. Lord, be present here and let your love shine."

Today I am available for God to use me.
{1 day at a time}
Today's goal: RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS

The Weight of Hope

Ever felt hope but it seemed to have the weight of a lead vest?
Ever praised but simultaneously felt how closed your heart was?
Ever loved deeply but felt like pushing it all away?
Ever had so many positive intentions but they all seemed so impossible?

I don't mean to be depressing.
I hate what's pouring out of me right now.
But I am really struggling.

I am stepping in the right direction but I find myself in puddles.
I am thinking forward but drowning in things I can't define.
I am praying but feeling like it's a distant voice from my own heart.
I am desiring "okay-ity" but I am soooooo heavy.

I feel different.
I feel "over it" but everything about the weight of my heart, my mind, and my body tell me I'm not and
I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY?

I find myself gazing out of windows forgetting I'm in an office.
I feel my throat close in like I want to cry but there's no specific reason.
I have friends that want to love me but I-just-CAN'T try right now.
I am blessed with a husband who wants to help me take cookies out of the oven and I lose my $&*# because I burned them.

I feel hopeless but I know what hope is.
I guess this could be called depression but this is not what depression has ever been for me- I'm not on a ledge but I am so very incapable of being anything but alone.
I feel prayer-full but my heart is incapable of FEELING the hope of praying.

So many great intentions and yet the very real need to just RUN farther than I can imagine even if I know my troubles will be my kite strings.


{image by Yann Pendaries}

{1} day of intention at a time

I realize that the New Year brings great hope and anticipation for all the things we can do, be, and change.
For me this year, I am overwhelmed by all I want to do, fix, and become.
I am forcing myself to step back and not see this as a 365 day commitment
but a stretching before a marathon... a series of {one day at a time} before it becomes a lifestyle.

Sure, it will have failure--
days where I can't believe the wife I've been
or the mother I chose to closet in favor of selfishness
or the friend I decided to avoid being so I could mentally run away
or the daughter I was too tired to attempt being
or the sister I gave up trying to be

BUT

the goals are
1. I'll REALLY build that relationship I was once so rooted in
2. I will be intentionally prayerful for my husband & my son-- in that order because my husband should always be second to my child(ren)
3. I will record the Blessings & the Burdens that take place in life so I will always have a reminder of how far He takes me if I really let him.

One day at a time, I will LIVE intentionally
2010: My Year of INTENION