In worldly standards, today was a bad day.
In the eyes of my faith, today was a new day.
But here I am--struggling with a very real faith but my conflicting humanness.
I'm not sure what the steps of grief are in the wake of loss but I anticipate it's the range of emotions:
Tears, Anger, Depression, Numbness and then moments of feeling OK
My husband and I have been dancing with God for awhile asking Him what we are made for and what His plan is as we go through the day to day.
We are happy and we are so blessed.
In all of that though, we feel prisoners to a routine of unfulfilling financial provision.
Just last night we sat down for dinner and faced each other in love and admitted,
"I don't know what else to do."
We were "stuck."
Today God unstuck us.
Today my husband lost his job.
In this moment I am reminded:
"They are new every morning. Great is thy faithfulness."
And I hold so fast and true to that. I do!
But then there's this aching human heart I have that in the very same moment I hold faith, I hold mourning.
So I let my tears fall as I replay the news that came from the man I love.
I mourn as a wife for a man that I want to be reaffirmed by this world for who he is.
I celebrate as his faith filled partner that he has a better affirmation, a truer one in Christ.
A Christ who says He has plans to prosper us and NOT to harm us.
A Christ who knew we had nowhere else to move & took it away so He could move for us.
My head says that today was a bad day.
My heart says today was God's day.