Thursday, March 10, 2011

I'm Not A Housewife

I may be farther than that than I have ever been.
Right now, I am the financial provision and with it, I'm feeling things I never thought I would.

In my days of die hard feminism, this was where I wanted to be
I also wanted to be alone then.

This isn't how I would have written this.
In fact, I had this dreamt out quite differently.
He was working toward being the income.
I was dreaming of the day I'd be home chasing my rugrat, making meals, & awaiting my man's return from a long day in the office.
Now-here we are.
One income: mine.
One stay at home parent: him.

Truly, with every ounce of me, I'm hearing His voice and I know
this is where He has me
and I will learn and wait here.

And let me tell you,
I'm learning.

I'm learning:
I have expectations I didn't know I had and I may have a 50's husband mentality about what should get done in the house because "what else are you doing there all day?"

I've had to remember:
Being at home with your child is a blessing and it is also a lot of work. It's a lot of "look at me's" "play with me's" & go go go. It's energy you simply don't use in an office--it's physical, emotional, and mental.

I'm learning:
A stay at home parent really needs a break when the other parent gets home just as much as the parent who just left the office needs a break. Both of us have had different energy tanks drained and we.need.a.break!

I'm learning...again and again:
My husband has the ability to be a better parent and person than I do.
The man's energy is unfailing.
and I realize:
I'm so unfair in asking for MORE than what I see when I get home
because every time I ask for MORE
I'm discounting every single thing he's already done.

I'm learning:
I have a lot to learn.

I'm Not A Housewife.
I'm a Working Mom who's on a road I wouldn't have picked myself but I'm in the passenger seat now taking in the views as I go. I'm far from perfect, but I'm not setting out for that--I'm setting out to love the journey and learn the lessons of the Refiner's fire.

This isn't a season about what I'm giving up.
This is a season about what I'm gaining.


  1. I love you. This post is amazing.

    I have no words. Just in complete awe of your vulnerability.


  2. Man, that's so hard when life doesn't go as we expect it. I dealt with that for 2.5 years while I was a working mama but God was faithful and I'm able to stay home now. He will provide for your family and honor YOU for your faithfulness!!! I'm believing with you. :)

  3. i love your raw transparency my friend.
    i love that you are choosing to call it what it is & be refined by HIm all at the same.
    prayers that you have immeasurably more patience & energy.
    & that you guys are blessed today xo

  4. This is a wonderful post. I especially loved this:

    "I'm so unfair in asking for MORE than what I see when I get home because every time I ask for MORE
    I'm discounting every single thing he's already done."