Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Hi-Ho, Hi-Ho It's Off To Work We Go

I know that many of you have been wondering how it's all going so here is our update.
I returned to work on Monday sans Ashton in order to get my head back into the game without my favorite distraction. While the night had me emotional, it's true, "they are new every morning. Great is thy faithfulness." I felt calm and peaceful and had a feeling of confidence--I could do this! As I walked through the familiar doors and saw both familiar and unfamiliar faces of staff and students, I was bombarded with nothing other than warmth and welcome. What a wonderful feeling! Instantly, I realized that while I may rather tap my ruby red slippers and chant, "there's no place like home," there really is no place like my office.
I am beyond blessed to work with people who genuinely care about me and to be supported in my role as a mother. It is a very different environment to work in a corporation that is run and operated by a female majority. So I hope this vaguely answers a question that was recently posed to me about how I am allowed to bring my son to work. As to what type of child I have, he's a very happy and easy baby...for the most part :) However is it easy for me to share my attention between my son and my work? That is yet to be seen but I can say that for my first day having him with me was a challenge. I felt both lucky and guilty to have him there. I felt both divided and distracted. It's amazing how the feeling of guilt follows me. I'd feel awful if he weren't with me but having him there and trying desperately to focus on my job is not easy. I want to nurture and engage Ashton but I want to be successful and honorable in my profession. Is it smarter to let someone take care of him who can give him full attention or is it better to be with his mother? Failure frightens me and while I can be graded on my work, only I can grade my work as a mother. I want a virtual "A" in both. I must allow myself the time to adjust....allowance is not something I am good at with myself.

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