Hanging In There

I heard a song on the radio today that made me fall apart.

Fix You by Coldplay.
This song can make me cry every time I hear it, but the weight of the night before seemed to slam into me this morning.

I think the only place to rightfully start this story is to say, we are all OK.
(Nothing worse than a story that starts heavily and you don't know the ending)

I brought my son home from school yesterday after taking advantage of a day off from work to rest.
I nursed my aching throat, ears, and body with sleep, cider, and one good Christmas movie.
(I can't help it--I'm there!)
When I picked him up, one of his teachers told me he'd had a rough day.
He didn't go down for nap time and he kept rubbing his belly. He didn't eat his lunch. The only thing that soothed him was having her massage his tummy.
I was grateful for attention to him. Now it was my turn. I would watch this little boy and love on him with all I had.
My sore throat and aches would have to wait until the Hus flew home to take care of me.

I sat my midge on the couch and we turned on Cars.
Nothing wraps up a busy day at school like Ning-Ning (aka: Lightning McQueen).
I pulled out a blanket and huddled in the corner and watched him hold his cup of milk.
I love watching him watch Lighting.
He gets so enthralled--so in a zone--I get moments to appreciate his perfection in that kind of stillness.
That's when it happened.
His little arms and legs started to tremor and I had no idea what to do.
His head twitched.
I called out his name
He looked in my direction and seemed to become still again and alert.
I panicked.
What WAS that?
Did I just make that up?

It was 4:50 and the Dr's. office was about to close.
I called. I gave the symptoms: tremor, warm, hasn't eaten....
They told me to take him to the ER.
Even though the hospital is literally across the street--I didn't want to go.
He was OK now, right?
I had NO ONE there to help me physically.
I chose my last lifeline: phone a friend.
I hopped in the car and drove him in.

2.5 hours later they confirmed it was not a seizure.
One abdominal x-ray later and we find his stomach full of gas clouds.
He has an intestinal virus (and bonus a cold with an ear infection in both ears...thanks for the thorough exam!)

I was boiling hot, full of adrenaline, and felt so alone.
The hus' phone was dead--all he knew was that we were at the ER--and he was on a flight home.
A prescribed clear liquid diet and follow up with the pediatrician, there was nothing else I could do.

I told the nurse, "I feel crazy for bringing him for gas!"
She kindly told me, "Adults come in by ambulance with the amount of gas that's in his tummy."
By the end, my Midge was running around the ER in his diaper and converse making the staff say,
"So this is base line, huh?"
Yah...this is my Midge!

I had the prayers of our friends on the lines coming through to me via text messages.
I had offers to come sit with me while we waited--but tall I could do was be in that moment, wipe the literal sweat from my brow, and rock the screams away with the gentle hugs and swings of my body clutching his.In this crazy moment, all I could was pray.
In this moment that I was reaching down and pulling my little guy up with all I had, God was doing the same for em.
The outcome is good, my God is great...
Like a true woman, I am just now digesting it and will rethink it through a million times.
I am so tired.
I am so in awe.