Monday, June 14, 2010

What Would I See If I Couldn't

In the last 24 hours, something heavy has been pounding on my heart:
What would I see if I couldn't see?

Lately I find myself aware of how often I look out and judge.
I wonder why I do it. What's at the core?
Do I want to feel better about me? Am I jealous? Do I think I am better?
It's been choking me.
I want to stop.
I want to see hearts, not faces.
I want to see beneath vs. above.

I laid in bed last night aside my husband after a rough moment of attack from an outsider.
We faced it together and as we tried to retire and put that moment into perspective that evening, my heart poured out hours of thoughts & feelings I haven't had time to share with him. Thoughts I don't know if I have really had time to think.
Amongst many things I thought, I thought this...cautiously:
I wish I didn't have human sight.
The sight that judges, labels, stereotypes, assumes.
I wish I had the sight of a blind man--the sight that feels who someone is, learns to hear someone, learns to know someone.

In my relationship history with God I have found that when I say something, when I pray for patience or say "I never want to x-y-z" that He has been given the opportunity to move.
This is why I am cautious to say I wish I didn't have human sight.
I don't want to lose my vision, but I want to redefine what my vision is.
I wonder if this is something that can be done?
Can I learn to feel beauty vs. define it by what I know as "normal"

Just a deep thought on a Monday night.


  1. I am always amazed at how pure your thoughts are. I am drawn to your blog because it is as if you are speaking for me....I may not be thinking of those thoughts at the moment but all of a sudden I read your words and say wow," how did she know".

  2. hello dear traveler.
    I hope you founds some goods with that huge truck you carted to Ikea.
    Don't hate me...but i FINALLY mailed your package today.
    I love you!