I use to unfold the layers of a day by writing. I'd shed each moment {happy, frustrating, funny, stressful, joyous} with each key stroke and then it would be done. I would be free to let today fly from my heart and be set to enjoy the moments, the days that followed. Lately, I can't even hear myself think let alone write. I'm exhausted and busy. I'm overcome with change, so much change that I can't settle myself into the moment but I'm on fast forward. My email box is something I get through. Facebook is something I do to space out. I'm on autopilot and I'm longing to S L O W down.
It's hard to "complain" about how fast pace and draining life feels at the moment when all that is fast paced and draining about it are beautiful blessings but I am tired now. I don't know how to cope with the disconnect of my own heart but I feel the girl that panics over buying a sweater, the girl that needs to write in order to be breathing {not just taking breaths}, the girl that wants alone time and doesn't fear it is across the street. I see her and I'm waving at her but I'm just too worn out to run full fledged toward her just yet.
I'm caught in the in between of longing & empty ... and yet SO blessed.
It's hard to "complain" about how fast pace and draining life feels at the moment when all that is fast paced and draining about it are beautiful blessings but I am tired now. I don't know how to cope with the disconnect of my own heart but I feel the girl that panics over buying a sweater, the girl that needs to write in order to be breathing {not just taking breaths}, the girl that wants alone time and doesn't fear it is across the street. I see her and I'm waving at her but I'm just too worn out to run full fledged toward her just yet.
I'm caught in the in between of longing & empty ... and yet SO blessed.
I miss your words. So, so much. I was thinking about how I used to visit your blog day in and day out, and how much I would learn and laugh and love what you had to say. I hope you can decompress soon, and come back to bless us all with YOUR words. Missing you!
ReplyDeleteI always say everything comes in cycles... fast, medium, slow and very slow.... it's slow down i promise. But so happy you are feeling so blessed through it all,
ReplyDeletexo,
LuLu
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Hope you get to settle soon.
ReplyDelete