I'm wondering where Christmas is, because it doesn't quite feel like it's here.
It should be here, as in my heart, nestling in and rooting itself within me, but I'm detached, feeling it slip by, aching for a way to hold on.
The ornaments aren't hung, and I kind of like it like this.
The outside brought in.
The rearranging of furniture to make it fit.
Now...if only I could rearrange my mind and my soul to make it fit inside my heart.
The glory of Jesus' birth brought in.
I am going through the motions.
Staring at boxes nestled away 11 months of the year and the part of me that was eager to open them two weeks ago is tired now.
I'm tired of the "clean up your toys" battle.
It makes me feel like I'm failing at nurturing gratitude & is robbing me of the joy I find in giving.
It makes me feel like Christmas decorations are just another mess.
I want to embrace my Savior's birth.
I want to remember the Christmas I lost our second baby but gained a sliver of perspective on JUST what Mary gave.
She gave her son.
HER baby boy.
Born in a barn, far from home, fulfilling promise for mankind.
I will come to the table and meet with Him.
Over and over each day
Laying down my heart churning with both gratitude & burden.
I'll let Him in to change the spirit of Christmas from adorned home to adored life.
And I will praise.
That is what I will do.