I spent another evening, night, and now this morning deep in thought.
I've been chastising my self for how I was made; that I was made to love cool, calm climates & detest the heat.
I get that this must sound ridiculous, but I feel this ache in me today that I quite seriously wilt in personality & capability to function when the temperature is above 80.
My best friend loves when it's 75 degrees at a minimum.
I LOVE when it's 65 degrees at a maximum.
We have always made jokes about it.
Yes, I am a California girl
I'm a California Coast girl which means that 75 is often breezy but mostly, the weather is cool, calm, and collected 365 days a year.
When we moved to Oregon, I worshiped the rain.
I was vocal about my love of the grey skies and surprised to find that "the overwhelming amount of rain" was really all hype because it's not that bad.... for ME.
It's not a spend-the-night camp, but just an evening to interact and be intentional with the kids.
For weeks I have been anticipating this event.
Not like, "oh yay I'm so excited!" but like, "oh my gosh! I just don't know if I can DO this!"
It's ok if you're rolling your eyes
I read that and I think, "Duh-RAMA!"
But here's the thing,
I know my self.
Ever since I was young, the heat evaporates who I am.
And last night, I felt truly ashamed by that truth.
Internally I was telling myself how ridiculous I was & I walked away feeling like the worst mom, wife, and church member. No one said anything to make me feel that way! I just DID.
I found myself wanting to apologize for who I was that evening and explain, God just didn't make me for heat.
But is that real?
Did God not make me for the heat?
I don't know if I buy that.
I just know that the Allegra you get if we're in a coffee shop is ME and who I am if we're outside and I'm sweating is like meeting three-year old me (at BEST).
So if God made us uniquely with gifts or passions for varying things like communicating, art, hiking, gardening, writing, or public speaking, could He also make us uniquely made for climates that bring out the best or worst in our human spirits?
I'm feeling silly for feeling crummy about who I am today....