the most amazing journey

the most amazing journeys i have been on in my life are the ones in which i learn about myself.
the ones where i meet myself for what feels like the first time
the ones i can't believe i am where i am
the ones where i am more alone and more found than ever.

if i calculated this journey from start to finish, it's as if i've always been on it, i just seemed to hit pause at times.
it's once i've arrived, or experienced a renewal, that i can connect the dots and see:
it all has had a purpose
and above that
i'm grateful for it

now

i have new life again
i'm in the land of the living
and i've worked my @$$ off to get here.

it's light again
it's freedom, confidence, joy, & a voice.

a new voice.

it's like learning how to talk again
it's taking my thoughts from paper to lips
i've never heard my voice out loud before
and it's new
it's new not to be an eruption and instead be life
i'm learning the sound of respect, the sound of words in the moment, the sounds of living as it happens.
a prison of words locked away inside
words that had scrolled itself into knots of indecipherable tangles
is now being unwrapped slowly...S L O W L Y
with intention, peace, effort & constancy.
with CHOICE.

i'm slipping into who i am now
and with it,
a new voice comes
slowly
steadily
un-silenced.