Here's the thing about parents,
they're human.
Why does it suck so much to realize this?
Perhaps because we grow believing they are infallible, or because their love defines us, or because their belief in us can make us.
Whatever the reason is, growing up means learning more truths than we want to.
Not only do we learn that Santa is just a myth and the Easter bunny would actually be a terrifying thing to run into, but we learn that our parents aren't perfect. They don't just teach us things we want to be, but they also teach us the things we don't want to be.
When I first got married five years ago, you couldn't convince me the way I was raised and the truths I held were anything but the right way.
I battled within my marriage to establish what my traditions were as our traditions.
I had beliefs that how I grew up was normal and correct.
I wanted to repeat most of it.
Two years later, both my husband and I started to let our walls down: maybe our parents didn't have it all right. Maybe there was some crazy in there we wanted to abandon and we lay awake asking each other, what was the good we wanted to take with us?
And now--after the years of my childhood traditions have all but disintegrated and I've walked through the traditions that were my husbands, we face each other and admit:
It sorta sucks to grow up.
More and more we realize, ain't nobody else really done gone an' matter except for the three of us at the end of the day: Me, the man, and the babe.
No one should come between us, no one should be allowed to break our dreams, no one can rob us of any joy unless we hand it over, and we can't change a thing about who our families are. We can take what we like, discard what we don't, and add a little bit of our own.
Sigh.
I think the only truly hard pill to swallow about it all is knowing...
one day, my son will also look at what was his parents best and say,
"It's not the best for me."
Because that's truth and it's right and good and factual.
We should always want a little more, try a little bit harder, and do a little bit better than those that came before us.
Why does it suck so much to realize this?
Perhaps because we grow believing they are infallible, or because their love defines us, or because their belief in us can make us.
Whatever the reason is, growing up means learning more truths than we want to.
Not only do we learn that Santa is just a myth and the Easter bunny would actually be a terrifying thing to run into, but we learn that our parents aren't perfect. They don't just teach us things we want to be, but they also teach us the things we don't want to be.
When I first got married five years ago, you couldn't convince me the way I was raised and the truths I held were anything but the right way.I battled within my marriage to establish what my traditions were as our traditions.
I had beliefs that how I grew up was normal and correct.
I wanted to repeat most of it.
Two years later, both my husband and I started to let our walls down: maybe our parents didn't have it all right. Maybe there was some crazy in there we wanted to abandon and we lay awake asking each other, what was the good we wanted to take with us?
And now--after the years of my childhood traditions have all but disintegrated and I've walked through the traditions that were my husbands, we face each other and admit:
It sorta sucks to grow up.
More and more we realize, ain't nobody else really done gone an' matter except for the three of us at the end of the day: Me, the man, and the babe.
No one should come between us, no one should be allowed to break our dreams, no one can rob us of any joy unless we hand it over, and we can't change a thing about who our families are. We can take what we like, discard what we don't, and add a little bit of our own.
Sigh.
I think the only truly hard pill to swallow about it all is knowing...
one day, my son will also look at what was his parents best and say,
"It's not the best for me."
Because that's truth and it's right and good and factual.
We should always want a little more, try a little bit harder, and do a little bit better than those that came before us.
remembering realizing that my parents hadn't done everything the way that I wanted to do it in my family.....
ReplyDeleteand then also realizing that my kids will say the very same thing about us.
thankful that God's grace covers over all of it.
when i came home with my first daughter my mom told me, "by the way there is no parent book,no two people are alike... do your best, figure it out and love loveyour baby and your baby will love you back." And it's stuck with me over 14 yrs and i "tell" my oldest teen daughter this all the time when she is frustrated with me and her dad.
ReplyDeletexo,
LuLu
sigh. yes. i love this SO much. It is such a lifestage that we go through - when we realize our parents aren't the idyllic peeps we saw them as when we were kids.
ReplyDeletei love this - i think this realization, if used properly, can propel one into being the best they can be as adults. Being able to see them as people whom we may/may not emulate - such a burden off of us...
I love you, Legs....and love watching you grow via your blog.
xoxoxo