Party for TWO: Part II

And the party's starting to shape up!
I personally LOVE inspiration boards because they help me FOCUS.
I get SO many ideas in my head that I lose where I'm going.
So, here it is...
My 2nd inspiration board for Midge's 2nd birthday
but the theme is final: Country Carnival!{Invitation: Oh Hello Friend
Cupcakes with Pinwheels: Rare Bird Finds
Sprinkles, Peanut Bags, Cupcake Papers, Straws & Popcorn Bags: Hey Yo Yo}

I'm excited for my invitation supplies to come in.
I gotta get my hands on some craft pronto ;)

2nd-4th

{There are some of you who have heard this story before, so feel free to ignore :)

For those who haven't

& for me

here is the story of my 2nd-4th.}

My husband asked me to marry him 4 months to the day that we began dating.

From the moment he romantically proposed to me on the beach of our first kiss, and in a song he wrote for me, I couldn't wait to be his wife.

I had prayed for him. I had walked a different path in my heart with God during my relationship with him. I knew he was my gift and mine alone.

His proposal and our few moments of solitude before sharing our excitement are something I treasure because In a heart beat, my once-in-my-lifetime moment became about everyone else.

Instantly we had parents dialing family and putting my ear to the phone to share my news.

I had directions as to who would be my bridesmaids.

I had assumptions made about the church we would be married in.

I had two dates given to me and was asked to choose one of them.

I had two sets of parents who in my 23 years of life at the time had NEVER seen get along, a relationship with my father that barely existed, a desire to have my step dad walk me down the aisle...

I had PRESSURE.

I completely broke down inside, cried all the time, and hated what was supposed to be so special to me and mine.

Instead, I was thinking about the choices I made and how they would affect everyone else....

until one month later.

One month and three days after my husband proposed, I found myself begging him to elope.

In the end, he agreed- on one condition: we tell no one.

So we hopped in the car with our two best friends and drove through the night to Las Vegas and got married.

I wore a simple skirt and blouse and made my vows before God (and a strange little man I'd hope to never see again) and with the sound of a silly fountain in the back ground.

I didn't want it to be elaborate.

I wanted it to be what it was supposed to be about

MY COVENANT WITH MY HUSBAND.

By December, we were actually pushed into revealing our secret by the pastor who would still be conducting our formal ceremony.

With individual conversations and meetings with all three sets of parents,

our marriage was in the open and we moved in together.

(Kinda crazy that as a married couple we didn't live together yet because no one knew!)

It was an incredibly difficult moment in our lives

that ended with incredible healing in our formal ceremony before our family & friends on February 25, 2006.

Our formal ceremony was where we FELT married.

We apologized to everyone we hurt

but we owned and were OK with our decision to marry the way we did.

The hus and I now have a dream of renewing our vows on our 10th anniversary in the way we would have if we had done it our way from the beginning:

on the beach of our first kiss and his proposal. ultimate simplicity

and then

one BIG party!

Happy 2nd-4th Anniversary to the Love of My Life!

Fill in the Blanks....

For some reason, something mindless like this post is just what I needed!

I am: currently reinventing my understanding of who I am and what loving/being loved really mean.

I think: I want to do and be more than I have time for.

I know: I am a good person with my own talents, but I often look out and wish they looked like someone else's.

I want: a plethora of crafting supplies and a room all my own.

I wish: I could give my husband and son more of me--more of the best of me--and still have time for myself.

I hate: folding laundry but have no problem with throwing it in the washer!

I miss: a lot of things, but mostly, freedom.

I fear: missing the moments that matter the most- a chance to say I love you or a new word from my son's mouth.

I feel: hungry for a denver omelette, like planning a two week trip to Italy, and crafting for an entire weekend!

I hear: William Fitzsimmons on my iTunes

I smell: Maple & Brown Sugar oatmeal

I crave: a little alone time with my husband in silence doing nothing and having nothing to do.

I search: on Etsy for things to create with way more often than I should.

I wonder: what Jesus feels when He looks at me.

I regret: not handling my transition into motherhood better.

I love: my family, to travel, write, dream, a good bargain, a hunt for vintage goods, my cousins-I don't think any one could understand how much I love them, SWEETS,

I ache: for all the things I want to be and endlessly fall short of this perfection I have deemed necessary and attainable.

I care: way too deeply what others think of me.

I always: leave my clothes on the hamper or my chaise lounge- I actually annoy myself when I do it.

I am not: aggressive.

I believe: I am loved. I am good.

I dance: a little in the car when a good song comes on.

I sing: ALL the time but love it most when it's with my husband on the floor of our son's room while he tries to put the guitar picks in the guitar.

I cry: at least once a month.

I don't always: eat very healthy. Woops.

I fight: myself more than anyone else could.

I write: to work my way through my heart.

I lose: everything I'm in need of at any given moment-keys, sunglasses, mind...

I never: want to travel back to the orient again.

I confuse: my son and husband's names all the time. Now they're both "babe" and I just hope the right one listens to me.

I listen: to music and dissect lyrics daily. I love words.

I can usually be found: at a computer ;)

I am scared: I will never really understand my own worth.

I need: the ability to freeze time and do all there is to do in life without missing anything!

I am happy about: celebrating my 2nd 4th Wedding Anniversary to my husband on Thursday. ;) (I'll wait and see how many of you ask me about this one ;)

I hope: my son will be a Godly man who never wonders whether or not he was LOVED.

1 Chocolate Bar A Day....

A few weeks ago I was perusing Facebook as I usually do when one of those little ads in the column caught my eye for Attune Foods. I can't remember what it said specifically but the word PROBIOTICS stuck out to me. While I've never clicked a Facebook promotion before, I was ecstatic I clicked this one. Probiotics + Chocolate = I'm in!My relationship with Probiotics started a few months ago. I took my Midge into the ER after he started tremoring with what turned out to be gas pain. While the ER couldn't tell me what to do or what was wrong, my chiropractor could and had some suggestions. After taking his advice and switching from Dairy milk to Rice milk for the midge + adding a recommended probiotic addition to his morning drink to regulate his digestive system, he was a brand new kid. No more gas pain and still the nutrients he needed to maintain his health and immune system. I ♥ Probiotics! Now I had to a) figure out how to get a probiotic kick for myself and b) find it in a form that tastes good (Which, to be honest, I was far more concerned with finding a way to eat a good-for-me treat than anything else). Attune Foods just so happened to offer me the best of two important worlds. {YES!}
How the Chocolate Bars work: It's recommended that you eat one full bar a day. ( Seriously? I "HAVE" to eat a chocolate bar once a day? SOLD!)

• 3-8 grams of sugar
• Excellent source of calcium
• Only 80-90 calories
• 3 grams of fiber
• Take it on the go

Thanks to Annelies, Attune's Online Community Manager, I had the opportunity to sample 3 of their flavors so I could both see if I wanted to purchase them & share my opinion with all of you!

Annelies was so sweet she sent me 3 bars, each a different flavor:

Dark Chocolate
Chocolate Crisp
Mint Chocolate

They have now all been eaten (and only because I HAD, too, right?! ;)) I made the Hus try them, too, despite his reluctance. He thought he was going to put something that tasted like cardboard in his mouth, but, get this! Not a trace of "oooh, that's a health food" taste, we both looked at each other and did a double take. Wrap it in a candy bar wrapper and no one would know the difference! I'm officially a new Attune fan (I sound like a car salesman but I swear, so yummy! Se La Vie Snickers! Now I have a really good excuse to take a break with some chocolate :)

*Find them near you here

Party for TWO

It appears it's to start thinking about my Midge's 2nd birthday.
I was really hoping to avoid the party scene this year. I went a little overboard on his first birthday and I'm comfortable enough to tell you, his first birthday was all about me.
When nothing went exactly as I had pictured it, woe was me!
This year, I wanted to bypass the hordes of presents he didn't need, the hordes of family, & the mayhem.
I realize this is a little bit selfish.
However, my husband said he wants to do a party and apparently that's all he had to say to get me in the planning mood.

{1. ohhellofriend.blogspot.com ~ 2. iluvsugar.etsy.com
3. carnivalflavors.etsy.com ~ 4. partyaccessories.etsy.com
5. tabbycat13.etsy.com ~ 6. fabriccloset.etsy.com ~ 7. happyfamily.etsy.com
8. merrymae.etsy.com ~ 9. bklynstitch.etsy.com ~ 10. sewfreshfabric.etsy.com}

I already ordered the paper and the envelopes and supplies I need to make his birthday invitations.
I was completely inspired by Dani's at OhHelloFriend Wedding Invitation. Seriously, that girl is SO inspiring!
She is one of those people that just makes me want to spend my entire invisible fortune on crafting supplies!
Well, I'm off in dream land (and undoubtedly setting unrealistic expectations for myself-- like my Mama always says: Expectations - Reality = Disappointment)
But I can dream.... ;)

Etsy Love

I am an etsy-aholic.
It's true.
I scour and search and play and covet for, well, let's got get into how much time per day.
There are so many amazing artists out there!
I think the HARDEST part about Etsy is looking through it all!
So, today, I'm asking you to tell me
WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE ETSY ITEMS or SHOPS??!!
I'm dying to know!
And, to be fair, I'm sharing some stores I've got in my favorites list along with some items I'm drooling over!

{Roundabout ~ Hammered Disc Necklace in Gold, $22.00}

{Timeless Paper ~ Umbrella Place Cards, Set of 50 ~ $50.00}

{Meg Baby Boutique ~ $36.00}

{Red Ruby Rose ~ Silk Clutch Purse, $105.00}

{Hettle ~ Cotton Jersey Rose Pillow, $24.00}

{pamwares ~ craft apron, $20.00}

{Milkpod Studio ~ Fabric Boutonniere, $25.00}

{Hattie Rex ~ ID Drink To That Square Set of 8, $40.00}

{kojo designs ~ custom embroidered onesie, $15.00}

{Linen Me ~ 4 Napkins, $14.99}

You're not leaving without telling me a few of your favorite items or stores are you??!!

Man Friends & A Wee Bit O' Prayer

Last night I cozied into bed in silence (admittedly after catching up on the Bachelor) and grabbed my nightly routine: The Power of the Praying Wife. Last night the book lead me to pray over my husband and his relationships. This prayer is a big one for me to pray. This has been a silent and intentional prayer I have had over my husband for two months now.

I am very aware that I cannot fulfill every part of my husband. I know that God should come first and I come next. I also know that there are pieces of who he is that cannot be completed in me- they must be fulfilled by other relationships: friendships.

My husband works two jobs: web design by week day and photography by weekend & nights. I need a lot from him. I need him to relieve the stress that builds up from caring for our family and home after I work. I need him to console me, hug me, relax with me, talk to me, work with me.

I am aware of how much I need and how much more he gives! I'm sure that I exhaust his ability to want to reach out and build male friendships, but I see how draining it is for him not to have that. It breaks my heart that in a time of struggle when I have a best friend to reach out to, he sadly laments that he feels he has no one--aside from me.

Last night as I prayed the prayer in the book, I felt it impressed upon me to encourage him to put effort into his connections. I yelled from our room, "You should ask your friend out to lunch tomorrow," and he responded with, "I just did actually." Hm... that's odd. I felt it impressed upon me to run something by him, run by him a revelation of sorts and see if it matched what his heart felt but I didn't know how and I didn't think last night was the time.

Today we had lunch together. We said grace before we ate and my husband's prayer was something along the lines of, "Lord, if you are talking, help us hear you. If we are missing something you are saying, reveal it." I was kind of confused by his prayer.

Did my hus think that we had been asking for something that He hadn't heard confirmation on? I asked him to clarify and he simply said, "No. I just believe He is talking all the time, we just don't hear everything He's saying."

At that moment, I felt the OK to proceed with telling him what I felt was revealed to me in prayer last night. I told him and prefaced it, "only you know if this will be truth or not."

Our conversation was deep rooted and meaningful. I felt as his friend and his wife that I was now commissioned with the charge to lift his prayer for meaningful friendships into action. I want my husband to be whole. I want a friend who doesn't give me what's left but gives me the best (as he does) and the only way he can keep doing that is if he has the other relationships that can round him out. I know how much I need MY friendships and how much freedom he gives me to cultivate those. I want that for him and I'm what I'm hearing is so does God!

Prayer is SO powerful!

{And as a completely random side note....I came home and found a package on my porch! I had NO idea what it could be and as it turns out, it was a gift from Martha! For emailing along her special 2 for 1 magazine deal, her peeps sent me her cook book plus a tote bag. Oh fabulous day}

Tickets to the Mom Show

When I was 17 I worked in a kids toy store. For whatever reason, I remember the owner asking me a strange question, "Who do you think drives the most recklessly through this shopping center?" Before I could respond, she told me, "Mom's." It's ten years later and I still remember that somehow relevant training question.

Now, I'm the Mom and I think every day about decisions I make. I think about who will judge me, what will I be ok with, how do I want to parent? Thinking about how to parent is a lot like thinking about how to fix the world: I can't do it all but I can make a choice each day to love. If I think beyond that, it's so overwhelming I shut down.

I've been thinking about all of the areas mothers/parents are judged by each other and others:

Do you breast feed?

Do you immunize your children?

Do you feed them home made organic food?

Do you spank?

Will they go to pre-school?

Do they go to daycare?

Quite frankly, these are personal choices, so why are they such heated topics?

I tried breast feeding but honestly--I hated it! I hated that I was the only one that could fulfill that need for my son. I hated that it took so much time and was so frequent. I wanted my body back but I had a heart I was more than willing to give. It took my pediatrician telling me, "Allegra, I can't tell the difference between breast fed babies and formula fed babies and I've been doing this a long time. If you are miserable, your son is going to feel that. I support you in what you need to do." I stopped the very day he gave me the OK. He told me, women will have things to say about it, but he didn't. I needed that. I am not the woman to breast feed and I'm no less a mom for feeling that way.

I do immunize my son. I both trust my pediatrician entirely and also don't see why I wouldn't. I believe in immunizing him (with vaccines that have been tested an used widely and those that are recommended by my pediatrician...seems I love that guy,huh?!). If he had health conditions that required me to wait, I would. Again, I trust my doctor, period. I'm a Western Medicine mom who's more than open to natural remedies--I'd prefer them--but in the end I will be birthing my children in a hospital and giving them shots.

I tried making my own baby food. Oh how naive I was as a new mom, but I did it. I boiled and pureed and then guess what, he got older and only wanted cheese. Would I love for him to eat veggies or chicken? Of course, but he doesn't. And I panick! But I don't let my toddler drink black coffee (I've seen it), I don't let him eat candy (unless Daddy sneaks him half of an Andes mint or I want to see his face light up over a cookie), and I try to get him to eat new things and that's the best I can do.

We do spank. We spank out of love, with explanation, and NEVER in anger. Discipline is appropriate when it is from love and out of love and in our home, we spank. I know some cock their eyebrows to that. This is just what we do in our home and very infrequently.

Yes, our son will go to pre-school and he will go to college. I was raised in a family that said, after high school you go to college, no if's, and's, or but's. Maybe he'll go to a trade school but we are preparing financially & guidance wise to send him to a 4-year college.

Yes, my son goes to daycare. He has two parents that love him immensely--so much so that we have to provide for him. My husband's position doesn't offer benefits, mine does. To provide for my family, I work 30 hours a week and am able to give us health care so when a tooth goes through a lip or he breaks a leg, we don't hesitate to take him to the doctor.

I am a good Mom. I love my son. Every single day, I love and care for my son. These are my parenting choices and there will always be the pressures of books, shows, radio, peers, elders who think what I do should be different. I will always be open to discussions but I am not open to ridicule or judgment and I try to extend that same grace to others. At the end of the day, we are all linked as parents by our innate desire to L O V E and in the end, isn't that all that matters?

Boys Behaving Badly

I'm going to replay a dialogue from a recent excursion and you have to guess where this actually took place.
"Do you dye your kids hair?" the young man asks us.
Hus and I look awkwardly at each other
"Nope, it's real," I say as I fluff his golden mane.
"Oh.....So this girl is taking forever to text me back,"
the young man goes on to tell his co-worker completely ignoring that we're still there. "I think she's just messing with me because I take a long time to text her back. Here, let me read her last one...'Happy Valentines Day, Sweetie' Yah, we're going to watch Beauty & the Beast later. I'm the Beauty, she's the Beast."
I lip "He's the guy that helped me last time, the 4:20 guy!" to my Hus. The Hus and I stare at each other in shock this is happening.
Hus asks me, "So, what next?"
"We wait," I tell him.
"It'd be nice if someone told ME that," he says with his eyes. Apparently the Beauty & The Beast boy left his professionalism and tact at home. He rejoins the conversation, "So what do you do for a living?"
"Photography," my husband responds.
"What!? So you make a lot of money!" the boy raised by wolves says.
Silence
"I mean, that's like someone saying they're a Mountaineer! I mean, really? Photography! You're loaded!"
(Apparently not as loaded as YOU I think in my head)
My husband who NEVER gets irked by anyone looks like he's going to lose his cool but maintains rather patiently but curtly,
"No, we're not loaded. It takes about 5 years to make money in this business."

Any guesses as to where this incredibly unbelievable conversation happened?
3
2
1
The Emergency Room.
Yes, that's right...this conversation happened at the ER.
You know, while we're trying to get our son seen for just smashing his tooth through this lower lip when he tripped?
We were put through this distasteful banter while we were cleaning blood off of our clothing and soothing our little man.
Mm Hm. Yes. It's true.

I should tell you that this is my 2nd encounter with this ER desk clerk.
This behavior wasn't a fluke.
I got to enjoy his presence when I had to check in for blood work on Christmas Day.
It was during this visit that he loudly and abruptly blurted out
"IT'S 4:20!! Oh, it means something in my house."

While this it's all very sitcom funny, I can't believe this guy actually works in position where he encounters people who are in the middle of high-stress situations!

Perhaps laughable while ordering coffee not so ha-ha funny when trying to get through a traumatic life moment...

Unravel Overload

<sup>I have been struggling with something for several weeks now.
I have been struggling with who I am, what I want, and obedience.

When I was ten, I wanted to be a CEO of a major corporation.
You see, I went to the office with my Dad and I loved working...correction...I loved earning money.
He paid me $2.00 an hour to deliver office supplies to whoever needed them.
I'm sure no one did, but I loved it.

In Junior High my world fell apart.
My parents went through a custody battle, my sister became sick, and I became depressed.
By high school I had an eating disorder and became a cutter.
I felt I learned that counting on others meant I would always be failed.
Despite having an amazing step father
I believed that marriage didn't work.
By college I was a feminist.
Not because I hated men but because I learned that a woman would always need the ability to provide for herself.
My stake in feminism wasn't about proving a point
it was about survival and taking stake in who I am.
Ironic that through that identification with feminism I entered into horrific relationships.

I was desperate to be loved and fighting to be solely independent.

Long story short, post college I found a road and relationship that saved me- my faith.

Not too much later I found myself married and as they say, first comes love then comes marriage then comes the baby in the baby carriage.

Motherhood ROCKED.MY.WORLD.
I totally and completely FOUGHT it.
I wanted to be exactly who I was before I had my son and I hated every moment that I couldn't be.
While I loved my son, I hated myself.
I wasn't depressed that I had a child--he is perfection.
I was pissed that daily I had to surrender to the fact that I could not be independent.
I was devastated that daily I was humbled into asking for help.
I fought everything in me and all that was around me:
the women who sent me books about how being a stay at home mom is so important, the women who never had to work to make ends meet, the women who could be the perfect working mom...
NONE of them were me and I had NO idea who I was after my son was born.

A year after his birth, I took a chance and set out to fulfill a dream.
I felt invigorated. I felt proud. I felt independent. I felt like ME.
I felt all the things that I had wanted all my life...
all of my life before I grew up.
Somewhere in the pursuit of MY destiny I realized I had abandoned my family.
I had a husband never.once telling me to stop and a son who would grab my hand and say "sit down"
and I would look at both of them and say
WAIT.
Wait while I feel important?
Wait while I be who I want to be?
Wait while I do what I want?
All of it.
I just wanted everyone in my life to wait so I could do what I wanted to do.

But then I heard something.
I got a very loud message...
Life slips away when you aren't looking.

I had a husband who was building a business I started with him but left him to do alone.
I had a son who was moments from two and I missed learning his vocabulary.
I missed where I was going.
So I made a choice.
I chose to be obedient and let go of a dream I was chasing.
A dream that made me say "WAIT" to the man I'm in a covenant relationship with
and the boy I have been charged with the responsibility of raising.
I was obedient and I let go.
And there have already been moments when I'm doing the dishes and I want to scream loud enough for someone to hear me:
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I GAVE UP FOR THIS?
and then I realize...we ALL give things up.
My husband gives things up ALL the time for me.
And perhaps I'm tired of giving things up--
Perhaps I'm pissed I gave up my childhood to parents who couldn't get it together
or I'm devastated I sacrificed my relationship with my biological father for siblings who just don't care
or I'm broken over the physical pieces of my heart I gave up to men instead of waiting like He asked me to.
I am.
I am tired of giving things up.
I wish there was a way to have it all.
But right now...in this phase of my life..what I was asked in my heart to give up was the right thing
doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like hell
but it was the right thing for me in the end.

I chose to enter through the narrow gate of what was before me:
my family or myself.
I chose my family.

I guess I really didn't give anything up because what I have, people dream about--I dream about.
I just got really caught up in wanting it all.

So I wrestle now a little bit with the obedience, the desires of my heart, the need to be intentional with my time...oh the everything there is in one person's heart and I search for those special Words of Encouragement:
13</sup>"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. ¹⁴But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."
Matthew 7:13-14


"Then he said to them all: "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me." Luke 9:23

What's Been Up...

I have definitely been out of my routine lately.

While a lot has been going on, we have most significantly been celebrating a lot of new-ness.
My husband's 1962 Ford Falcon arrived a week and a half ago from Canada.
After a week long truck drive across the borders of states and one country, she's here.
It may have come with a few unexpected, um, surprises but the car is beautiful.
While I currently stand firm that I WILL NOT be driving it, I am elated my husband finally has something to show for all he does for our family of three.


Along with the Falcon, we were able to spend a weekend away with our friends!
We escaped to Monterey and left the midge home with my in-laws.
While I kept having to repeat, "It's not how Mommy would do it, but it's OK," when I wasn't the one in my routine with my son, it was a GREAT weekend to be kids again ourselves.
A room with a fire place, a 2 hour cruise down 17 mile drive, wine, games, laughter, & too much food.


We returned and a day later- SURPRISE, HUS- I took him away to the Santa Ynez Valley to celebrate his birthday.
We cozied up around another fire place and just enjoyed being together despite all the little things that went so imperfectly.

With all that's gone on...all the wonderful things...it feels a bit like the day after Christmas...
"What do you mean it's OVER?"
A lull, a cloud of sadness, yet the hope that it's only a matter of time until the next set of FUN.


I'll be back soon!
Once the Midge learns how to nap again, and the laundry is done, and my heart settles back in to wherever it is it feels dislodged from....
I'll be back.

Some Inspiration

We had a long night here at our house
(projectile vomit and what not)
So I'm slowly shifting gears through the day and just thought I'd share this beautiful song by one of my FAVORITE artists
(I walked down the aisle to one of his songs :)

God Gave Me You
Dave Barnes

I’ve been a walking heartache
I’ve made a mess of me
The person that I’ve been lately
Ain’t who I wanna be

But you stay here right beside me
Watch as the storm goes through
And I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

There’s more here than what were seeing
A divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely
Could somehow fall for me
You’ll always be love’s great martyr
Ill be the flattered fool
& I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

On my own I’m only
Half of what I could be
I can’t do without you
We are stitched together
And what love has tethered
I could baby, never undo

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you, gave me you.
Gave me you.

Turn the Other Way

The other night the hus and I were watching one of our TV shows through Netflix.

I know I've talked about my spiritual sensitivity before but I'm about to again.

An episode of the show came on and it was about voo doo.

I knew the instant it went there, I should have turned it off

but I did that thing

that thing where I tell myself I'm just being a baby and deal with it.

I told my husband,

"I feel weird. We shouldn't watch this."

The thing is, it doesn't affect him in the same way.

I talked to my soul sister and told her,

"I don't get how people can say 'it only affects you if you let it.'"

She reminded me that we all have our own spiritual battles.

What can be used against me may or may not be used against my husband.

I knew that because of what I have experienced in our home

because of what I have had to work so hard to pray out of my sons room

to pray out of our space

that letting a spiritual episode on voo doo run in our home was the wrong thing.

So why didn't I listen?

Why did I ignore what I felt was being impressed upon me?

Maybe because my husband wasn't feeling it?

Maybe because it felt crazy to let something "so little" bother me?

I am reminded though of something I learned awhile back--

when animals sense fear or something being off, they run.

Humans are the only living creature who keep walking at it telling themselves why they're being ridiculous.

We have a natural "flight" pattern built in us to tell us when we should turn the other way and seek safety and yet, we ignore it.

We as women are constantly aware of built in awareness--

whether we have to walk in a dark parking lot or get into a car where no one else is around

we are taught to constantly look over our shoulder

but here is an example of how I kept walking toward danger.

Lesson learned & hopefully never repeated!